This is not the easiest of topics to talk about especially
for me because I have both been on the receiving end and as the perpetrator of
betrayal as it were. May be my writing of this is for my personal healing but I
believe that it will help others as well. I have a line from a story known by
most especially the Bantu education folk who have learnt these stories over the
years & still find them interesting. This story was made famous by William
Shakespeare one of the best writers in the human history. The assassination of
Julius Caesar is one of the stories that bring to light the sin of betrayal
& the impact it has on a person particularly when it’s by someone you know.
The legend says that when the senators attacked Caesar he
resisted and fought them until a moment where he saw Brutus. It is believed
that he uttered these words “Et tu, Brute?” meaning you too Brutus. Of course
other scholars say he didn’t say nothing while another said that Caeser said “you
to my son” saying these words to Brutus. The impact of the betrayal however
cuts deeper than just the words that Julius said as it was the monumental
realization of the fact that a close friend was also part of the people that
carried knives to stab him. He’s resilience & fighting finesse was all dried
up by the knowledge of the fact that a trusted friend, partner or child or
someone very close to him had in fact conspired against him. Let’s face it
folks, that it’s not the size of the betrayal that counts most of the time but
who executes it.
Most people who are usually spectators or speak outside of
the scenes of betrayal usually emphasize their analysis on the size of the act
whilst the affected individual is traumatised by the perpetrator. You see
betrayal is one of the’ selfish sins under the sun because it’s about taking
from someone or at someone else’s expense. Betrayal is the breaking or violation of a presumptive contract, trust, or confidence that produces moral and
psychological conflict within a relationship amongst individuals, between
organizations or between individuals and organizations. This explanation is
from Wiki and does sum up the content of what betrayal is. But still what it is
cannot be compared to the scars that it engraves emotionally, psychologically
& spiritually.
When this is visited upon you, it can kick God out of your
life, the will to live and can certainly deaden a part of you for a very long
time. Your zeal for life can be snatched away & a great deal of resentment,
hatred and numbness could be the order of the day. It is also possible that
you’ll start shrinking your environment either because of shame and therefore
you don’t want people to feel sorry for you. I tell you in times like these
even a small whisper or laughter in a corner out there it’s as if it’s directed
at you. The amount of anger is sometimes hoarded inside or misdirected to
whomever finds himself/herself in its way. At this point words like forgive
& forget become a distant memory as a victim is trying to make sense of the
situation. Words like I have the right to be angry seem to be much more
comforting. You need people to understand why you are angry and justify your
withdrawal from friends & family.
I am sharing with you this because I believe there is no
shame in being betrayed. This is a circle of life in which lessons are learned.
I can assure you that it is not about learning to trust others any less but
it’s about being able to harvest from such the courage to live a life full of
love and forgiveness. I am sure that the greatest lesson from betrayal is
forgiveness. When you are shuttered, all of that numbness has indwelled you
& the anger is as the size of Mount Kilimanjaro there is a voice that tells
you to forgive. You know it and it haunts you daily and am telling you now it’s
not going to stop unless you chose to yield to it. The chance of living life to
the fullest rests on it, so that you are free from this bondage. Failure to
forgive brings with it a trust less, non-social & emotionally damaged life
forever. Bitterness becomes the stretch marks that will live with you and no
matter how much you try to hide it, it rears its ugly head.
So don’t let the et tu, Brute effect sink you into the world
of destitute & despondency. Instead seek to love more, seek to trust more, and
seek to live a life that allows others into your life. Be selective of who you
bring closer but don’t let the scars of betrayal dictate to you who to trust
and who to let into your life. Don’t banish the “Brutus” either especially when
he/she has asked for forgiveness & atonement from their misdeed. The value
of this person may have diminished for a moment but the future contribution
maybe more colossal & monumental than the actual act of betrayal. In fact
the act & lesson of being able to forgive is far greater that of being
forgiven. Remember blessed is the hand that gives than the one that takes.
Betrayal begets forgiveness in that it gives you a chance to
rise to a position where you give another person a second chance. It puts you
in the same position that Jesus was in & he chose to forgive even when
remorse wasn’t shown and forgiveness wasn’t asked for. Don’t wait for him/her
to come in order for you to forgive. Do it for you and for your own peace of
mind. In the aftermath of great betrayal let forgiveness sit on the throne
& peace will reign.
Workshopped by Lungelo
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